The Pain
by uekibachi
Summary: Omi will never forget.... (Shounen ai, Youji x Omi)


  
The Pain  
  
I had thought that he would always be at  
my side and I with him. After all, we are soulmates.  
And we had hope. What happened to us? I don't know  
I can not answer it. For I, myself, am confused, angry  
and hurt.  
  
They say love will conquer all. They say  
that there is always a rainbow after a storm. And  
I am sad to say that all are not true. I have not  
seen one rainbow. Nothing to cheer this half of a  
soul that was once part of a mate. It will never  
be ever again.  
  
************  
  
It has been five months since he has left. Left  
for good. In the earlier months of our break up, there  
were weeks of rejection. And my own denial. He  
had said that he no longer harbored any feelings for  
me and he was just following what was supposed to be.  
That he should not follow destiny and instead, what is  
truly in his heart. And that, was not certainly me.  
He had said that it was only because of what we were. Our jobs. Was it just that? I had  
questioned that after he had said it. My answer is  
still no. I loved him for his charm. I loved him  
for his heroic nature. For his gentleness. His caring  
soul. And as I look out of my window and see him  
with Ken, I feel loneliness creep up from within my soul.  
For once, he had held me with such loving and  
tenderness. I envy him. I envy him because he is  
allowed to be close to him rather than me.  
  
My friends say that he will come around. That  
he still cares for me. Each day that passes without him  
the more I wither. The more I want to die. Everyday  
that I see him coming my way and yet abruptly turning the  
other direction; that is another rejection I have to endure.  
All the more I die inside. What had I done to him that  
caused him to hate me? To avoid me at every cost. I wish  
I had died there in the park. The eternal sleep would have  
been much more comforting than this. This feeling of loneliness  
and rejection from him. Why did he save me that night?  
Was it because he wanted me to suffer to see him and  
not be with him? Or was it that he still loves me.  
Oh God, how I wish!  
  
I run, run away. Yet I end up here; to our place.  
Well what was once ours. I cry softly at the memories.  
Too painful, too painful and yet I stay. Basking in my  
misery, remembering what was once was. I shiver. I'm  
cold. I look around and it is dusk. I've been here for  
hours. Suddenly I am afraid.  
  
I feel myself being pulled. I let myself be guided.  
I look to Ken. He smiles that toothless smile of his and I  
can't help but try and smile back. I shiver once more and the  
more he tries to keep me warm. I wonder why he is doing this.  
Why the sudden interest in my well being? I voice my concern  
and his answer is this: "You are a good friend to me. I'm glad. I am proud to call  
you friend." After hearing this, I feel my heart break.  
"I don't know." I say.  
  
As we walk back, I ponder and think on what she had  
said to me. Am I really? Am I really good enough to be  
called a friend?   
  
I wake up. It is still dark out. I get up and walk outside. It is cold and I  
welcome it. My mind wanders back to him. And I cry. I cry for  
the lost. My lost, and the heart that feels so empty  
without him. "Why," I hear myself asking. "Why'd you leave  
me?" I ask of the quiet night. I stand up trying to  
compose myself. But I can't. I shake all over. I  
feel cold. I walk. I don't know where. Maybe if I  
keep going, I'll forget about him, I rationalize to  
myself. And I do. I walk. Walk past my home. I see  
a junk yard. And I go there. This is where I belong.  
I'm broken and can never be fixed. A discarded item  
that is not wanted. I sit among them. "He never loved  
me," I say to myself. "He never did and will ever again."  
And I wait.  
  
I can feel him. He is here. "It is over, can't you get it through  
your thick head. WE ARE over." I reach a hand out to him.  
Pleading with my eyes. And instead of comforting me, he  
slaps my hand away. I recoil. He turns his face away  
from me. He doesn't even want to see me. Am I that  
hideous? Then I feel it. Anger within. "WHY," I demand  
of him. "Why did you ever tell me you loved me when you  
were just following what was said to be. I hate you  
I hate you for what you have done." Then I run, run, run  
away from him. This is too much for me. I didn't mean to yell  
at him. But I can't do this anymore. I run until I  
can run no longer. I stop and listen to my own heart  
beating. I then, suddenly sense someone with me. My  
heart flutters. Is it him? No it's not.   
  
He is in the living room, near the door. "How are  
you doing?"   
"Why do you care," I respond. "Isn't it enough  
that you left me without telling me why. Or did you just  
think that I can get over you just like that." And I  
snap my fingers to emphasize. "Youji... we were destined to  
be together." I feel tears running down my cheeks. "I hate you Youji. For what  
you have done to me. I just wanted you to know before I die."  
I feel like coughing but I try to no avail to stop it.  
He tries to come over but I raise my hand to keep him on his  
side of the room. "I don't need your help. From now on,  
don't help me. And when I say this, I mean it. I don't  
want to see you near me when fight against them. Never  
again. Do you hear me?" He nods slowly. "Get OUT!! You  
make me ill." He starts to leave. I feel my soul  
shattering. Why am I feeling this way? I'm over him.  
  
************  
  
They say that love will conquer all. They say  
that there will always be a rainbow after a storm. But  
I tell you this. Love will not conquer all. There  
isn't always a rainbow after a storm. Death takes all that  
away. I think it rather odd. I saw him when my soul  
left my body. He cried. Cried for me. Or rather  
for himself. I guess now he knows how I felt when he left me.  
I heard his pleas back there. His pleads for me to stay with  
him forever. And I wish that I could have returned but  
I couldn't. You see, I died five months before. I have  
given up on that life long ago when he left me. I guess  
I just couldn't stand being left in the dust. Or maybe I  
wouldn't be able to stand it if he ever did find someone  
to replace me.  
  
As I watch them now silently, unseen, I feel a pang  
of loneliness as I await for them to rejoin me. To be  
reborn together once more and go through it all again.  
Perhaps it will be different the next time. Maybe this  
next life I'll be a better warrior. Much braver. A better  
student. Yes I miss him. I forgive him.  
But I shall not forget.  
  
THE END 


End file.
